Thursday 6 October 2016

DSA Meets Elected Representatives, Excuses Social Sciences Representatives From Meeting


The Division of Students Affairs, Obafemi Awolowo University in her bid to help oversee the full reinstatement of the Obafemi Awolowo University Students Union held a meeting with the elected representatives of Faculties on Tuesday, 4th October, 2016. The meeting which was the first after the Division ordered a rerun of the elections however did not feature any representatives from the Faculty of Social Sciences as the Dean claimed that the Faculty refused to organise a rerun of her elections in defiance of the order issued out. Upon excusing the alleged representatives, the meeting continued and several pertinent issues were discussed.
Find the official communique of the Pressmen present below

"Communique of Meeting Held Between Division of Students' Affairs OAU And Student Representatives


On the 4th of October,2016, the Dean of Students' Affairs,OAU held a meeting with the student representatives from various faculties at the DSA General Office.

Below are excerpts from the meeting:

The meeting commenced with the Dean beckoning on the representatives of Faculty of Social Sciences and Law. She said Faculty of Law although did not conduct their election on the 15th of September,2016, they took permission to conduct the election at a later date.
The Acting Dean however ordered the representatives of Faculty of Social Sciences out of the meeting room over the claim that the faculty failed to hold an election on 15th of September, 2016. Olatunde Sanyaolu and Deji Akin both from Faculty of Social sciences requested that they be allowed to explain what transpired and why the faculty did not conduct an election but the Dean said "I do not want to listen to any explanation", the hesitation of the Two representatives from Social Sciences to move out of the General meeting led to the Dean calling on security operatives, Faculty of social sciences representatives moved out of the room and the meeting continued.

However, a representative from Faculty of Art named Ebenezer requested that Security men should be vacated, in his words "The necessity of security men was because some elements were unwanted at this meeting but since they have left, I see no reason for their presence, I would prefer they stay outside to avoid intimidation", the Dean consented to this and the security men left the room.

Dr (Mrs) Akinola soon after began the meeting officially by stating that the Representatives would meet with the Acting Vice Chancellor this week or next and the ban on the Students' Union activities "should" be lifted at the meeting with the vice Chancellor and that is where the Representatives  "should" be converted to Electoral Commissioners and Petitioners as they have been elected at their various faculties.

The representatives after listening to the words of the Acting Dean requested that she fasten the meeting with the Acting Vice Chancellor as students need fast actions on when exactly the structure of the Union would be back, it was stated that some Faculties resolved to withdraw their reps if the union is not returned in good time, the representatives also said the spate of theft on Campus is high, Paul Positive from Faculty of Law stated the issues of welfare and other issues as important and the absence of the Union has made it lag behind.

Dr Mrs Akinola, said "The Acting Vice Chancellor is very eager to see the return of the union, as he believes that any University that does not have a Union is not complete,it was immediately I came in that he instructed me to ensure that I meet with Students, he is even more eager to see to the return of the Union even that Students themselves,immediately after he meets with you, you would be sure of all this, there are lots more you would hear from him".

The Issue of use of the word "De-proscribing" the union was touched with a Representative from the Faculty of Science stating that the union was not proscribed but the activities of the Union was suspended and so the University Management should not find it difficult to lift the suspension.

Jegede Abayomi Samuel from Faculty of Administration also requested that the Dean, DSA should be consistent with statements emanating from her office on issues of the Union election, as there has been disparities lately, the Acting Dean however denied that she has been inconsistent with statements,she said "I have not been inconsistent with statements and do not have a reason to lie, it is what we say that we bring out".

The representatives of the Association of Campus Journalists OAU also corroborated the statement of the Dean, stating fully that there has been disparities from statements emanating from the Division of Students Affairs and the issue should be looked into to ensure that there is no confusion.

Some Representatives clamoured for a leadership face for the Faculty reps, Positive from law said "We need to have a leader amongst us to lead us, if we do not have a leader it would not be good" , other Representatives stood against this they claimed that the necessity of a leader is not justified as the DSA has phone numbers of everyone and can communicate to the leaders through this process,especially as the meeting with the Acting VC is fast approaching.

The request for a leader was stepped down finally,as all faculty reps will be communicated to.

On the issue of theft and security of hostels the Dean raised a suggestion that students should put on identity cards in their hostels, this was supported by a Representative from Faculty of Science, however Ebenezer from Faculty of Arts went against this,he said "You cannot expect me to put on identity card while on my underwear in the hostel,it is not possible", this drew laughter around the room and the suggestion was dropped.

On the issue of trust between Students and Management, the Acting Dean said" We know that the students may not believe,but we have been holding meetings from time to time, it shows we are committed, it is the past administrations that are not sincere, the past administrations are liars, I am sorry but we are not in this administration".

The Acting Dean also requested that all those having issues with payments should visit her office, this was after a representative from Faculty of Science spoke about the way students have not been able to pay their school fee due to economic situation or the country.

It was agreed at the end of the meeting that the next meeting date,which would be with the vice Chancellor would be communicated through text messages and pasting of the notice.

The meeting ended with the Acting Dean advising all representatives to focus on their Academic and replicate good ethics."


"Only University Lecturers Can Rig" - Richard Awololola


During a trip organised by the Faculty of Administration for students offering her special elective, Mr Richard Awolola of the procurement department of the Osun state Independent Electoral Commission allegedly made claims that only lecturers of Universities rig elections. The electoral officer in his speech talked about election rigging whilst addressing the students on the trip, he posited that since university lecturers collate election results, they are the ones that can alter figures. He further based his claims on the fact that these lecturers are the ones that serve as returning officers during elections, he cited the instance of the immediate past Vice-Chancellor of the Obafemi Awolowo University, Professor 'Tale Omole who announced the results of the last Osun State gubernatorial election.

Also In his address, he also endeavoured to enlighten students of the the Faculty of Arts, Clinical sciences and some others on the usefulness of the card reader, especially in helping curb electoral malpractices in Nigeria. He attributed the usual election inconclusiveness to the uninformed electorates, most of whom are often ignorant of the dos and don'ts of elections, he elaborated that students can stand and serve as instruments that can be used in correcting the ignorance of the masses about election processes.

OAU Reverses Stance, Admits Using A 50-50 Screening Model



This is to inform all OAU Aspirant that the model for their screening Exercise has been changed from a UTME/O'Level ratio of 70:30 to a 50:50 ratio.

How to Calculate Screening Result

1. Both the UTME score and your O'level results' grades are
computed to assess you.
2. For the screening, UTME result weighs 50% of your total
score and the remaining 50% from your O'level results.
3. Your best 8 subjects are computed; With A1 = 8, B2 =
7, B3 = 6, C4 = 5, C5 = 4, C6 = 3, and so on.
4. Maximum points from your best 8 O'level subjects is 64
( A1 = 8 X 8 subjects).
5. Your O'level points is then converted to 50% (Assuming
y is your O'level points, then, it will now be calculated
thus: y/64 X 50).
6. For your UTME points, it will be calculated thus: Your
UTME score/400 X 50.
7. Your final merged score, which will be used for
admission now = UTME points (maximum of 50) + O' level
points (maximum of 50) = 100.

With this change, cut off marks earlier released by some faculties may be changed.
All Aspirants are however advised to reprint their screening result slip from University website (eportal.oauife.edu.ng] as fast as possible.

Tuesday 4 October 2016

Apply For NNPC/Total National Merit Scholarship


Total Upstream Nigeria Limited (TUPNI), in pursuance of its Corporate Social Responsibility, is pleased to announce the commencement of  2016/2017 NNPC/TOTAL National Merit Scholarship application. The scholarship Selection Test conducted on Saturday December 3, 2016, at eleven (11) Centers across the Country.
Annually, Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) , and Total Upstream Companies in Nigeria (TUCN): Total Exploration & Production Nigeria Limited (Total E&P Nig Ltd) and Total Upstream Nigeria Limited (TUPNI), together with their venture partners, award scholarships to deserving Nigerian students in the tertiary institutions in the country.

The programme is aimed at promoting academic excellence and quality manpower development in the Country. This is one of the many ways TOTAL demonstrates its commitment to the educational development of Nigerian students. It is a part of TOTAL’s rich Corporate Social Responsibility.

Application Deadline
The application deadline is 4th November, 2016. Students are encouraged to submit their applications well in advance of the deadline.
Value of Scholarship

Eligibility Criteria
NOTE: All undergraduates in 100 and 200 levels are qualified irrespective of the course they are studying.
To qualify for consideration, the applicant MUST:
1. Be a Registered FULL TIME undergraduate in a recognized Nigerian University
2. Be a certified 100 or 200 level student at the time of application
3. Show proof of SSCE or Equivalent Certificate.
4. Show proof of the Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examinations (UTME) score.
5. Show proof of Admission letter from the University and Matriculation Number
6. Show proof of A-level or Equivalent Certificate (for direct entry students)
PLEASE NOTE:
Students with less than 200 score in UTME need not apply
Students with less than 2.50 CGPA of 5-point scale, or equivalent
300 level students and above need not apply
Current beneficiaries of similar awards from any other Company or Government Agency need not apply.

What documents do I need to submit with my application?
1. Recent passport photo
2. Certificate or proof of origin
3. Senior Secondary Certificate of Education SSCE
4. UTME result
5. JAMB/University Admission Letter
6. First Year result showing CGPA.
NOTE: Each document size should not be more than 200KB and the image format for your pass-port must be in JPEG, other files must be in PDF.

Follow this link to register for 2016/2017 NNPC/TOTAL Scholarship.

OAU: DSA To Meet With Elected Faculty Representatives Today



After a rerun of the elections of representatives for most Faculties in the proposed committee that would oversee the full reinstatement of the Obafemi Awolowo University, Students Union, the Division of Students Affairs has called for a meeting with the elected representatives.

This was announced in a circular released by the Division and pasted around Halls of Residence.


Saturday 1 October 2016

Full Text Of President Muhammadu Buhari's 56th Independence Anniversary Speech


ADDRESS BY PRESIDENT MUHAMMADU BUHARI
ON 56TH INDEPENDENCE ANNIVERSARY.
OCTOBER 1ST 2016

Today – 1st October is a day of celebration for us Nigerians. On this day, 56 years ago our people achieved the most important of all human desires – freedom and independence. We should all therefore give thanks and pray for our founding fathers without whose efforts and toil we would not reap the bounties of today.

2. I know that uppermost in your minds today is the economic crisis. The recession for many individuals and families is real. For some It means not being able to pay school fees, for others it's not being able to afford the high cost of food (rice and millet) or the high cost of local or international travel, and for many of our young people the recession means joblessness, sometimes after graduating from university or polytechnic.

3. I know how difficult things are, and how rough business is. All my adult life I have always earned a salary and I know what it is like when your salary simply is not enough. In every part of our nation people are making incredible sacrifices.

4. But let me say to all Nigerians today, I ran for office four times to make the point that we can rule this nation with honesty and transparency, that we can stop the stealing of Nigeria's resources so that the resources could be used to provide jobs for our young people, security, infrastructure for commerce, education and healthcare.

5. I ran for office because I know that good government is the only way to ensure prosperity and abundance for all. I remain resolutely committed to this objective.

6. I believe that this recession will not last.

7. Temporary problems should not blind or divert us from the corrective course this government has charted for our nation. We have identified the country’s salient problems and we are working hard at lasting solutions.

8. To re-cap what I have been saying since the inception of this administration, our problems are security, corruption and the economy, especially unemployment and the alarming level of poverty.

9. On Security, we have made progress. Boko Haram was defeated by last December – only resorting to cowardly attacks on soft targets, killing innocent men, women and children.

10. Nigerians should thank our gallant men of the Armed Forces and Police for rescuing large areas of the country captured by insurgents. Now, residents in Borno, Yobe and Adamawa States, as well as several neighbouring states go about their daily business in relative safety. People can go to mosques, churches, market places in reasonable safety.

11. Commuters can travel between cities, towns and villages without fear. Credit for this remarkable turn-round should go to our Armed Forces, the Police, various sponsored and private vigilante groups, the local traditional leaders. Security is a top to bottom concern and responsibility.

12. Besides Boko Haram, we are confronting other long-running security issues, namely herdsmen vs farmers, cattle rustling, kidnappings. This Administration is firmly resolved to tackle these challenges and to defeat them.

13. A new insurgency has reared up its head in the shape of blowing up gas and oil pipelines by groups of Niger Delta Militants. This Administration will not allow these mindless groups to hold the country to ransom.

14. What sense is there to damage a gas line as a result of which many towns in the country including their own town or village is put in darkness as a result? What logic is there in blowing up an export pipeline and as a result income to your state and local governments and consequently their ability to provide services to your own people is reduced?

15. No group can unlawfully challenge the authority of the Federal Government and succeed. Our Administration is fully sympathetic to the plight of the good people of Niger Delta and we are in touch with the State Governments and leaderships of the region. It is known that the clean-up of the Ogoniland has started. Infrastructural projects financed by the Federal Government and post amnesty programme financing will continue.

16. We have however, continued to dialogue with all groups and leaders of thought in the region to bring lasting peace.

17. Corruption is a cancer which must be fought with all the weapons at our disposal. It corrodes the very fabric of government and destroys society. Fighting corruption is Key, not only to restoring the moral health of the nation, but also to freeing our enormous resources for urgent socio-economic development.

18. In fighting corruption, however, the government would adhere strictly by the rule of law. Not for the first time I am appealing to the judiciary to join the fight against corruption.

19. The Third Plank in this Administration’s drive to CHANGE Nigeria is re-structuring the economy. Economies behaviour is cyclical. All countries face ups and downs. Our own recession has been brought about by a critical shortage of foreign exchange. Oil price dropped from an average of hundred USD per barrel over the last decade to an average of forty USD per barrel this year and last.

20. Worse still, the damage perpetrated by Niger Delta thugs on pipelines sometimes reduced Nigeria’s production to below One million barrels per day against the normal two point two million barrels per day. Consequently, the naira is at its weakest, but the situation will stabilize.

21. But this is only temporary. Historically about half our dollar export earnings go to importation of petroleum and food products! Nothing was saved for the rainy days during the periods of prosperity. We are now reaping the whirlwinds of corruption, recklessness and impunity.

22. There are no easy solutions, but there are solutions nonetheless and Government is pursuing them in earnest. We are to repair our four refineries so that Nigeria can produce most of our petrol requirements locally, pending the coming on stream of new refineries. That way we will save ten billion USD yearly in importing fuel.

23. At the same time, the Federal Ministry of Agriculture and the Central Bank have been mobilized to encourage local production of rice, maize, sorghum, millet and soya beans. Our target is to achieve domestic self-sufficiency in these staples by 2018.

24. Already farmers in thirteen out of thirty six states are receiving credit support through the Central Bank of Nigeria’s Anchor Borrowers Programme. Kebbi state alone this year is expected to produce one million tonnes of locally grown rice, thanks to a favourable harvest this year. As part of the 13 states, Lagos and Ogun are also starting this programme. Rice alone for example costs Nigeria two billion USD to import.

25. The country should be self-sufficient in basic staples by 2019. Foreign exchange thus saved can go to industrial revival requirements for retooling, essential raw materials and spare parts. It is in recognition of the need to re-invigorate agriculture in our rural communities that we are introducing the LIFE programme.

26. Government recognises that irrigation is key to modern agriculture: that is why the Ministries of Agriculture and Water Resources are embarking on a huge programme of development of lakes, earth dams and water harvesting schemes throughout the country to ensure that we are no longer dependent on rain-fed agriculture for our food requirements.

27. In addition, government is introducing Water Resources Bill encompassing the National Water Resources Policy and National Irrigation and Drainage Policy to improve management of water and irrigation development in the country. We are reviving all the twelve River Basin Authorities, namely;

Anambra - Imo
Benin - Owena
Chad Basin
Cross River
Hadejia - Jama'are
Lower Benue
Lower Niger
Niger Delta
Ogun - Osun
Sokoto - Rima
Upper Benue
Upper Niger

28. The intention is eventually to fully commercialise them to better support crop production, aqua –culture and accelerated rural development.

29. This Administration is committed to the revival of Lake Chad and improvement of the hydrology and ecology of the basin. This will tune in with efforts to rehabilitate the thirty million people affected by the Boko Haram insurgency in the Lake Chad basin countries.

30. The second plank in our economic revival strategy is centred on the Ministry of Power, Works and Housing. The Ministry will lead and oversee the provision of critical infrastructure of power, road transport network and housing development.

31. Power generation has steadily risen since our Administration came on board from three thousand three hundred and twenty four megawatts in June 2015, rising to a peak of five thousand and seventy four megawatts in February 2016.

32. For the first time in our history the country was producing five thousand megawatts. However, renewed militancy and destruction of gas pipelines caused acute shortage of gas and constant drop in electricity output available on the grid.

33. There has been during the period June 2015 to September 2016 big improvement in transmission capacity from five thousand five hundred megawatts to the present seven thousand three hundred megawatts.

34. There were only two system collapses between June and December 2015, but due to vandalism by Niger Delta militants the over-all system suffered 16 system collapses between March and July 2016 alone. As I have said earlier, we are engaging with responsible leadership in the region to find lasting solutions to genuine grievances of the area but we will not allow a tiny minority of thugs to cripple the country's economy.

35. In the meantime, government is going ahead with projects utilizing alternate technologies such as hydro, wind, and solar to contribute to our energy mix. In this respect, the Mambilla Hydro project, after many years of delay is taking off this year. Contract negotiations are nearing completion with Chinese firms for technical and financial commitments.

36. The project is to be jointly financed by Nigeria and the Chinese-Export-Import Bank. In addition, fourteen Solar Power Projects have had their power purchase agreements concluded. Hence the plan to produce one thousand two hundred megawatts of solar electricity for the country would be realized on schedule.

37. And in line with the objective of government to complete all abandoned projects across the country, the Rural Electrification Agency's projects needing completion are provided for in the 2016 Budget. Bringing electricity to rural areas will help farmers, small scale and cottage industries to integrate with the national economy.


38. Roads Construction and Rehabilitation has taken off. The sum of twelve billion naira was allocated to this sector in the 2015 Budget, not enough even to pay interest on outstanding unpaid claims.

39. Notwithstanding the budgetary constraints, the current budget allocated two hundred and forty billion naira for highway projects against twelve billion naira in 2015. Many contractors who have not been paid for three years have now remobilized to sites. Seven hundred and twenty point five billion naira has so far been released this budget year to capital projects.

40. The Ministry of Power, Works and Housing has received one hundred and ninety seven point five billion naira. Work on the following highways has now resumed.

Dualization of Calabar – Itu Road in Cross River/Akwa Ibom States.
Dualization of Lokoja – Benin Road, Ehor - Benin city, Edo State.
Re-construction of outstanding sections of Benin – Shagamu Express way, Edo/Ogun States.
Expansion works on Lagos – Ibadan Dual carriageway, Ogun/Oyo States
Rehabilitation of Onitsha – Enugu Expressway, Anambra/Enugu States.
Rehabilitation and Reconstruction of Enugu – Port Harcourt Dual carriageway, Abia/Rivers States.
Rehabilitation of Hadejia – Nguru Road, Jigawa State.
Dualization of Kano – Katsina Road, Kano State.
Dualization of Kano – Maiduguri Road, Borno State.
Dualization of Azare – Potiskum Road, Azare – Sharuri Road, Bauchi State.

Rehabilitation of Ilorin – Jebba – Mokwa – Birnin Gwari Road, Kwara State.
Construction of Oju/Lokoja – Oweto Bridge over River Benue, Benue State.

41. Other major highways are in the queue for rehabilitation or new construction.

42. Already contractors have recalled about nine thousand workers laid off and Government expects that several hundreds of thousands of workers will be reengaged in the next few months as our public works programme gains momentum.

43. On railways, we have provided our counterpart funding to China for the building of our standard gauge Lagos -Kano railway. Meanwhile, General Electric is investing two point two billion USD in a concession to revamp, provide rolling stock, and manage the existing lines, including the Port Harcourt-Maiduguri Line. The Lagos-Calabar railway will also be on stream soon.

44. We have initiated the National Housing Programme. In 2014 four hundred million naira was voted for Housing. In 2015 nothing. Our first budget this year is devoting thirty five point six billion naira. Much of the house building will be private – sector led but Government is initiating a pilot housing scheme of two thousand eight hundred and thirty eight units uniformly spread across the 36 states and FCT.

45. We expect these units to be completed within 4 – 6 months. These experimental Nigeria House model Units will be constructed using only made in Nigeria building materials and components. This initiative is expected to reactivate the building materials manufacturing sector, generate massive employment opportunities and develop sector capacity and expertise.

46. The programmes I have outlined will revive the economy, restore the value of the naira and drive hunger from our land.

47. Abroad, Nigeria’s standing has changed beyond belief in the last 18 months. We are no longer a pariah state. Wherever I go, I have been received with un-accustomed hospitality. Investors from all over the world are falling over themselves to come and do business in Nigeria. This government intends to make business environment more friendly because we can not develop ourselves alone.

48. All countries, no matter how advanced, welcome foreign investments to their economy. This is the essence of globalization and no country in the 21st century can be an island. Our reforms are therefore designed to prepare Nigeria for the 21st century.

49. Finally, let me commend Nigerians for your patience, steadfastness and perseverance. You know that I am trying to do the right things for our country.

50. Thank you and may God bless our country.

Happy 56th Birthday To Me




My name is Nigeria
I am not a nation
I am not a person
I am a people

My masters used to tell me that it was one-man-one-wife but they left me with many wives. My wives are so many I do not know how many there are, neither are my children concerned about that. Before you call me an irresponsible man, I must let you know that I was not born the natural way. A woman named Flora Shaw was playing tease strip with her boyfriend in the Niger when she suddenly had an epiphany: that I should come to be.

My children proclaim to serve many gods; some might throw tantrums for not saying ‘God’. But I knew only one god, omniscience, omnipresent and omnipotent. He is the triune god of the west. From him, all my blessings and painful lessons flow. While he spoke on the need for personal liberty and freedom, I was dutifully licking at his feet because there is nothing personal about me; everything in my life has been borrowed. Wait! Was I kneeing at the feet of a ‘he’ or that of a queen? These things are messed up.

Today is my 56th birthday; I expect that one of my sins, sorry I mean sons, will make a profound speech – either at the Vulture Circle or the castle bullet-proofed from the sufferings of my other children – on how I have survived throughout the decades. He would pride himself on what he believes to have achieved ever since they began hailing his Dauraic name. However, I am not too old to tell my story. (In fact I am younger than him; out of respect, I feel I should be the one telling his story).
Yes, I have come through a lot; I even survived Uncle Sam’s prediction that I would die by 2015. I am not sure if I am alive though. Everyone admits that I am sick. There is this cancer flowing through my veins. My children have over the time claimed to be concerned. In fact, I have been receiving reports of how several injections worth billions is expected to come my way. Maybe this sickness has dulled my senses and frayed my nervous system, because I do not feel like I have been injected.

However, my children are of a unique species. I heard that when people are extremely sick, everyone comes together, pulls funds and takes that person to the hospital. In my extremely severe case of cancer, chemotherapy is carried out, grey hairs are scrapped off, tumour cells are laser-cut and a crop is allowed to grow.

It is not so among my children. The first thing on their agenda is often who is responsible for my sickness. Actually, this is a good thing. Every father should be proud that his children ensure that they are all responsible for their actions. They do not stop there. They then chase those responsible up and down the streets using EFiCiCi, a brutal bulldog that had its teeth replaced with toothpicks a while ago. By the time they are through with the chase for the day, some of those being chased would have called on the dauraic name with humility. And whosoever calls on the duaric name shall be saved. Of course, you cannot expect my tired children who have, for my sake, chased down those responsible to tend to me. Everything is pushed to the morrow. And so it would be until…

Across the street, I can hear noise that worsens the headache I have been bearing for decades. They say they are praying to a god. I wonder if the god is hard of hearing such that large horde of deceived, sorry discipled, individuals must shout and cry. Maybe it makes sense; after all they were praying to that same god when he gave them a fellow with an acute ear disease. Like god, like result…

These same individuals have accused me of being the prodigal son; they claim I have wandered far from the father. Maybe they refer to the homosexual Rev Father Jack and his brother, Uncle Sam; if that is true, I never want to go back. My bumbum is still sore. However, I cannot shake off this feeling that I am the father and my sons are the prodigals. The prodigal in their own story went away with his wealth and greed. At least, the father was able to recuperate and set the family estate in order. These prodigal sons of mine live in my own house, always confessing their sins so that they may have grace to commit more.

Less they call me a chauvinist, allow me to talk about my daughters. My daughters are very popular creatures. In fact, some of them have trodden where even angels do not dare. My son, the one whom the partially deaf god gave to us, took some of my daughters across the waters less they wither from lack of international exposure. That is because those girls behaved themselves. I have some other daughters, somewhere around the North Pole, who have committed the hideous crime of being poor and hapless. These ones are also enjoying exposure of some kind. And they will remain there.

There is a North Pole in my estate, one in which every moralist must come from. Even the partially deaf god acknowledges this place as my dauraic son was from that region. From this region too are several sons of mine, or so I am told, who do not serve a partially deaf god. In fact, their god is a different god in wisdom, glory and power. Unlike the partially deaf god who sits down awaiting prayers and tithes from the unrighteous and the deceived (for there is no one righteous), this god is a god of hot piss. Yes, hot piss!

You should go to the North Pole; there are several sprays of hot piss there. However, because you are not spiritual, I know you are not, what you will see are displaced individuals who were foolish to stay in that area, condoms to spite contraceptive pills from the west, bodies sacrificed in hot piss to appease the god and other things you should see for yourself.

This god claims to be opposed to the triune god of the west but is at the same time smarter than the west. Remember what they say, a house fighting against itself cannot stand. This god encourages his terrorists, er moralists, to employ weapons from the west. Do not tell me they are being used by other individuals, the gods my children serve work in mysterious ways. That you do not understand them does not give you room to call them names.

I am sick so I should not stress myself, besides my son must have done a lot of talking on my behalf. I am not going to die yet, although some of my sons want to end me very soon – I think they are the brazier fetish. However, help me tell my children that I do not need divine help; I do not need it. They do not need to make EFiCiCi run up and down, especially when I am writhing in pains and slowly dying. I also do not need international exposure or too many conferences. A simple drive-in into a good hospital theatre with qualified surgeons, nurses and doctors will cure my illness.

Happy birthday to me!

(The author, Gracious Egbedegbe is a student of the Faculty of Arts, Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-ife and a member of the OAU Peeps Team)